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2004-11-27 - 1:40 p.m.
sometimes I think that I should stop
Today is the 3rd anniversary of my very first entry on this site. And I guess this is as good an occasion as any to air out the fact that I’ve been reevaluating my relationship with this page. I’ve been weighing the pros and cons of it for a long time, trying to decide whether I want to keep doing it, whether I want to change how I do it or how often I post. I mean, I’ve been updating pretty regularly for the past 3 years, usually 2-4 times a week. And I’ve gradually slowed down the pace and kind of lost my drive for it. I still like doing it, but I might just change the pace, and only post once a week, or only post when I really feel like it or have something to say, instead of putting pressure on myself to not let it go more than 3-4 days without a new post. There are a bunch of different things that have factored into me rethinking all of this. The main one, though, is the fact that in the past few months, I’ve started two blogs, my team rap blog Government Names, and more recently my solo blog, Narrowcast. And it’s gotten kind of ridiculous to try and update 3 sites on a daily basis. And while this site has always been more or less about my personal life, one of the things that has kept me interested in doing it is sneaking in music content, talking about concerts I went to, listing songs I like. But now I’ve got 2 sites where I talk about music as much as I want, which leaves more room for personal content at a time when I’m less interested in talking about me than ever. Plus, as much as I’ve enjoyed doing this site, it has always kind of felt like a liability. I rarely put anything here that I think is too personal or potentially embarrassing, but it still feels a little dangerous to put this much about my life on the internet, even if my full name isn’t really connected to it in anyway. It’s kind of like a secret that’s out in the open. For the most part, I’ve only shown it to people in my inner circle, certain family and friends, and have kind of kept it from a lot of people I know because I don’t feel like they need to see it. But there’s always that fear of people stumbling onto it. I’ve known people with online diaries who have ended up having to either take it down, or make a password requirement to view it. And while I don’t have any designs on becoming famous or anything, there are some things I plan on doing in the future, like releasing records and publishing some writing under my own name. And so if I become a public figure in any capacity, I don’t really want something like this floating around. My friend Mat just recently went public with his own business, and has been taking pains to disassociate her personal site from his professional site and his full name, so potential clients don’t see her personal stuff, and that’s something to really consider. So in all likelihood, if I ever put out a record, or do anything really public, I’m probably really gonig to think about taking this page down. But for now, I’m just going to leave it up and keep going, but maybe post less and put less time into it. I like that people can check here whenever they want and keep up with me, though. It always surprises me when I realize that anyone actually reads this. I just put it up for the sake of my own memory, to keep a record of what I’ve been up to for long after I’ve forgotten about it. It’s funny, though, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started to tell someone a story or something about what I’ve been up to, and they cut me off and say they already read about it on the site. So anyway, I’m not trying to be dramatic and say I’m quitting, or try to be sneaky about some kind of campaign for attention for people to e-mail me and tell me to keep doing this site or anything. But I just wanted to put it out there that I’m reconsidering the site, and if anyone does have any feedback, I’d love to hear it. I might just take a break from posting a lot until after finals in a few weeks, or maybe sooner, maybe later. Or I might not stop or slow down posting at all. But whatever happens here, I’ll probably be posting on both blogs a lot, so keep an eye on those. -al
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